Stable Heart

Tranquilo. Fresca. Todo Bien. Calma. Relajada.

My pulse stabilizes. My shoulders slide down to their natural position. My eyebrows separate, dissolving the seemingly ever-present crease that has lived between them for the last ten years. My breath is full and rich and when I inhale, I smell the prickly scent of Pine and Eucalyptus. Exhale.

Colombia fascinates me. It wraps me up with the warmth of my favorite childhood blanket. It all seems familiar, it even smells familiar, though I'm living a completely new life in an entirely new world. The people take me in for lunch, then buy me coffee afterwards. At night we dance and discuss music and the intricacies of our idiomas diferentes. The hands of the clock tick slowly, and for the first time I have nowhere to be... Nowhere to be but right here, in this exact moment. What a feeling!

I am not on anyone's payroll. I have no income, and only a hope of a job after three weeks in Manizales. Luckily for me, the cost of living is doable for the recently-unemployed American. I spend very little in my daily life. For example, it is a mere $.50 for a bus ride into town, $3.00 for a 3-course lunch, and $7.00 for two potent afternoon martinis. My meager savings will last me quite a while here, even with a healthy appetite of late nights and 25-minute taxi rides to Malteria (a whopping $5).

I am a musician, a teacher, a writer, and a world-wanderer. Beautiful words, cierto? In reality, they simply mean I lead an unstable life when it comes to money. I more often have short-term "jobs" that suffice until my pocket is full enough to move on to greener pastures. I choose this life freely. Me encanta. I believe this mentality is common for travelers, but for the first time in my wandering life, I want to stay. Here. Right here. In Manizales, Colombia. Yo quiero a quedar.

Colombians have many words that essentially mean "chill-the-fuck-out", and they mean it. In any given conversation you'll hear "Tranquiiiiiilo. Todo Bien!... Si, si, relajada hermosa!" A literal translation would equal to "Calm down, everything is good!... Yeah yeah, relax pretty girl!" It's much more convincing in Spanish though, believe me. Perhaps they know something we don't.

The frequency of suicide in Colombia is less than 2%. In the United States, the percentage climbs to over 10%. One tenth of the population of the United States is lost each year to suicide. Think that through for a moment. What?? The stress of daily life eventually leads to our demise. Instead of enjoying each precious moment on this entirely awesome and majestic earth, we are finding reasons to leave it. How does that make sense? Tranquilo, mi amor. Todo bien. En realidad, todo es perfecto.

Today I saw a motorcycle run into the back of a stopped car at a busy intersection near the Cable Plaza. I gasped as the man flew forward onto the street before him. Cars slowly avoided the man as he stood up, uninjured, and brushed himself off. Three police officers came to the scene immediately (they were also watching from my same corner on the sidewalk) and spoke to both the motorcyclist and the driver of the stopped car. No one rushed, the man was obviously okay, and no one seemed angry at all! The accident was resolved on both ends in under one minute.

Replay this scene on a busy New York City street - perhaps 2nd Avenue and St. Marks in the East Village. Would the end result be the same? Oh no, my friend. I, myself, have been guilty of slapping the hood of a yellow taxi and screaming obscenities simply because the taxi driver had tried to slowly turn on a yellow light at a crossing that I was leisurely (or more likely drunkenly) walking across. Oof. How embarrassing.

I'm not alone here, but I don't have the community of friends and loved ones that I had in New York. I don't have a "job" yet, but I've sent an invoice to the best school in Manizales for September. Money isn't flowing. My future is as unstable as it has always been. But I'm learning new things every day. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned thus far is - just go with it. Release all inhibitions and accept that nothing is under control. In this way, oddly enough, everything is perfect.

Tranquilo. Fresca. Todo Bien. Calma. Relajada.

Just BREATHE.